Allison Kilkenny: Unreported

Brent Rinehart Doesn’t Speak (OR DRAW) for Oklahoma!

Posted in Uncategorized by allisonkilkenny on July 25, 2008

Before you read any further, let me warn you: there are going to be a lot of cuss words.

When the hate-filed products of a hidden camera at a fund raiser for Sally Kern, the prune-faced Republican Representative to the Oklahoma House, were leaked to youtube, I was mortified.

Although much of my shock stemmed from her insane charge that some invisible gay agenda was penetrating (I picked that word on purpose…What up!) our public schools, I found it even more alarming that the entire country knew this crazy bitch served in Oklahoma’s government.

Now, Oklahoma is definitely a conservative state. We haven’t given our electoral college to any Democrat since Kennedy, but we are also a state of loving and intelligent people.

I know it is very unliberal of me to say that while I disagree with some of my conservative friends, most of them are good people at heart. Perhaps the most offensive allegation was that this “homosexual agenda,” which is in a full-swing recruiting period according to Sodomite Sally, poses a bigger danger to the American public than TERRORISM.

Re-read that sentence. Seriously, terrorism. Sally’s not a native Oklahoman, so perhaps that is why she would compare, I don’t know, the second largest terrorist attack on American soil, the Murrah Building bombing on April 19, 1995, with tax-paying, law-abiding and often God fearing Americans seeking equal protection under the law.

As this letter to Sally from a young many whose mother died with 168 other innocent people that day proves, this isn’t the right place to be watering down the impact of terrorism. We know all about it and it wasn’t some Middle Eastern fundamentalist who unleashed all that blood mayhem upon the Oklahoma City Federal Building. Rather, it was a Middle AMERICA buzz cut country boy with militia delusions who ended many lives and damaged even more.

But, as outraged as I was at this Oklahoma move-in Sally Kern and her ridicules bullshit, that pales in comparison to the out-right anger I’m feeling toward Oklahoma County Commissioner Brent Rinehart. Like I said before, as pissed as I am at Brent’s homophobic insanity, I’m even more pissed that these two nut jobs are solidifying the rest of the world’s poor opinion of Oklahoma, the state of my heart.

Brent’s been no stranger to inflammatory comments about homosexuals, but he’s kicked it up about a million notches recently. Earlier this week, a comic strip dreamed up by him and drawn by some asshole named Shane Suiters was leaked via email. See the full comic here. Of course, Brent apparently plans to mass produces them, so we would’ve seen it one way or another.

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The motivation for this outrageous comic isn’t just to draw attention through some twisted shock and awe tactic Brent must’ve picked up in the military, but also because he is facing felony campaign finance charges, alleging Rinehart and his former campaign manager illegally funded the 2004 campaign for county commissioner.

A trial has been scheduled for September, which is after next week’s primary. One donor, Jerl Methvin, has already plead no contest to one count of making a contribution to a political candidate in excess of $5,000. He was given a six-month deferred sentence, ordered to pay court costs and will testify against Rinehart and others implicated in the scheme.

So, I guess to weaken the creditability of these charges and the prosecutor, Oklahoma Attorney General Drew Edmondson, a comic foe of superhero Rinehart, Brent got drunk on crazy juice and hatched this plan. Apparently, he thinks that Oklahoma voters are so stupid that we would get our hands on this poorly-drawn piece of shit and then believe that he must be innocent.

On page seven of this garbage, the two fictional Oklahomans, one imaginary neighbor explaining to another just what a servant to the good Oklahoma principles Ole’ Brent is, the balding dude says to the big haired woman, “The last big gun the Good Ol’ Boys could fire at Brent was to get a Democrat and homosexual advocate Attorney General Drew Edmondson to file campaign charges against Brent at a time that prevents Commissioner Rinehart from clearing his good name.”

Then some stiff in glasses, who I assume represents Rinehart’s attorney or maybe some other lunatic helping him further this madness, explains to the two comic book neighbors,
“He is innocent and will be proven so in September, unfortunately after the primary. But that’s part of their plan to defeat Brent.”

There might be Oklahomans who carry these homophobic regards, but again, no one likes to look stupid. Thanks, Brent! Not to mention that, Drew Edmondson may be a Democrat, but he is far from a liberal. I think Brent is also a bit willy nilly with “advocate.” Yes, Drew has vocalized his belief that homosexuals shouldn’t be discriminated against in the work place, but he hasn’t gone out and campaigned for any radical social reforms, either. But, I think Brent’s loose definition of advocate probably includes people who don’t have wet dreams about cracking open skulls outside the Copa Cabana.

As I scanned through the 16 paged masterpieces (seriously, 16 pages of CRAH-ZAY!), I was bewildered by a cocktail of emotion. On one hand, I was enraged by this asswipe trash. On the other, it is soooo over-the-top that I couldn’t help but giggle. In all seriousness, I hate that each gay friend that I have started their week here in Oklahoma worried that this incendiary bullshit might inflame some rage-consumed homophobe. Bigots are known for utilizing anything as justification to hurt them. But, still, it’s hard not to laugh at this.

As fantastically crazy as the entire thing was, the best part came from two supporting roles: Satan, who naturally supports gays AND any political adversary of Brent’s, Republican or Democrat, and an angel, an avid Rinehart supporter, of course. Truthfully, I’m awe-struck that this blasphemous asshole didn’t roll out the big guns with a flying Jesus. I suppose this where his finely-tuned editing eye came in.

Poking his pitch fork toward a frumpy mother grasping her potato-head son, Satan says, “If I can just get the kids to believe homosexuality is normal.” Then the pixie angel gleefully declares, “Hey Satan, not with Brent around you won’t!”

When I read through all this witty Satan-Angel banter, I truly thought this shit couldn’t be any more like a acid trip at church camp gone awry. I was wrong. As I scrolled to the next page, I was dumbfounded by a penciled protest where Satan, a true star in this witty classic, and men dressed in togas like Julius Caesar are waving signs in support of Brent’s opponents. Where’s Waldo is also there in full protesting form. I guess he’s gay too! That explains why we can never find him. All this time he’s been hiding in some dude’s asshole.

Naturally, the comic declares gay men and pedophiles as one in the same. By the way, the brilliant artist spells pedophile with a “F.” Maybe that stands for faggot, who knows. I’m the queen of typos, so don’t think I’m getting all self-righteous. But, if I were going to print something like this, I would get the important words like that right.

They also declare Brent as a staunch opponent of “anal sodomy.” I’m not sexpert, but is there another kind of sodomy? Oral sodomy? Vaginal sodomy? If anyone could clear this up for me, I’d appreciate it. The cherry on top of this homophobic sundae is that Rinehart repeatedly refers to liberals as “good ol’ boys.” This thing is really ground-breaking. We’ve been called a lot of things, but good ol’ boys has never been one of them. That’s typically reserved for the White Knights of the Klu Klux Klan. You know how pro-gay they are. It’s no wonder you can never find affordable Prada and Gucci in white!

Clearly people like Brent Rinehart and Sally Kern believe that only values that are values are theirs and the only laws that matter are the ones they support. That explains why for the SECOND time, Sally Kern smuggled her gun onto the Oklahoma State Capitol this last Wednesday.

While Sodomite Sally does have a permit to carry a concealed weapon, firearms are strictly prohibited there. Thank God the x-ray machine at the check point caught her. I know some fabulous gays at the Capitol and I don’t want this ticking time bomb bigot armed around them.

Jesus, what if they criticized her terrible hair cut? She looks like Jimmy Johnson in a pant suit. Like I said, this is the second time Kern has brought a damn gun in. She, of course, claims to have forgotten the firearm in her purse because she was in a hurry, but you and I both know if this would’ve been a rainbow-clad member of the non-existent pink army, she would be calling for their pretty little head.

Rinehart would be right there with her. Then again, maybe Sodomite Sally was packing heat because she suspected Rinehart’s gay gaffe would reignite the fire storm that her comments sparked. I mean, she did receive death threats. Oh wait, law enforcement went through each message and each email she received and they could never find the death threat she CLAIMED to receive. Liar, liar, Sally’s pants are on fire!

Clearly only a pathetic, insane and, above all, desperate man would stoop to such ludicrous measures to win a primary. Now, unfortunately I don’t live in Oklahoma City, so I won’t get the distinct pleasure of voting against this dickhead next Tuesday. But, for all of my readers who do, please get to the polls. We can’t stop Brent Rinehart from making himself look like an asshole, but we can stop him from making us look like one!

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