Allison Kilkenny: Unreported

Presidential Debates #2: Family of Morons

Posted in Barack Obama by allisonkilkenny on October 8, 2008

Baseless Predictions:

1. John McCain will smirk as his supporters randomly shout “Nigger!” and “Kill ‘im!” like some kind of Tourettes support group.

2. In a miscalculated attempt to appear youthful and exuberant, John McCain will explode into a cloud of dust after trying to sprint across stage and shake the hands of his supporters.

3. Barack Obama will forgot he’s a “Progressive” and talk about acting “tough” with Iran and Pakistan. This is nothing new, but unfortunately he will take the act too far tonight and sign war declarations against the east.

T-minus :30 until the debacle.

I’m watching the last 5 minutes of The Biggest Loser. I now understand the decline in the American educational system. Also, that trainer was not born a woman. Fact.

Ugh, I’ve never loved the Mute button so much.

9:00 PM

Chuck Todd and his goatee are on the case. Apparently, the economy is bad. THANKS, goatee-man!

FYI: Tom Brokaw is a big, big McCain supporter.

One of our blog contributors, Anna Matsen, hopefully got to submit a question. I can die happy if Anna gets to ask her question. (Unlikely)

A bald, old, fat, white, southern guy got to ask the first question. If this is a random sampling of the American population, I will eat my own head.

The economy should be an easy ride for Obama. We’re in this state for the following reasons: Deregulation, deregulation, deregulation.

The entire front row are middle-aged, white, bald guys. I’m not lying. They look military.

Ah, yes, Republicans hate Socialism until it comes to sharing debt, right, Johnny?

Someone should tell the moderators they don’t HAVE to laugh at all of John McCain’s bad jokes:
Brokaw: Who would you have replace Treasury Secretary Paulson?
McCain: Well, not YOU, Tom!
Brokaw: [pained, awkward laughter]

John McCain just proposed Meg Whitman, the CEO of Ebay, replace Henry Paulson. What makes him think she’s qualified for that position? Oh, I forgot. McCain doesn’t vet the people he works with. Just look at Sarah Palin.

Update: Ebay just fired 10% of its workforce yesterday, so Whitman MAY not be the woman to turn this trolley around.

Question #2 comes from a young, African-American man, who looks terrified to be in the presence of John McCain.

OH GOOD! John McCain says our economy will recover. Crisis averted, everyone!

Now comes the time when McCain and Obama accuse each other of being in Wall Street’s pocket. Just to save everyone a lot of Googling: They both take money from Wall Street.

Mr. Obama has gotten some $370,000 from employees of Lehman Brothers, which has filed for bankruptcy, and members of their immediate families, compared to the roughly $117,000 Mr. McCain has received.

Individuals associated with Merrill Lynch, which agreed to be sold over the weekend to Bank of America, collectively are Mr. McCain’s largest contributor, giving nearly $300,000 to his campaign.

John A. Thain, Merrill’s chairman and chief executive officer, is one of the McCain campaign’s biggest bundlers of campaign contributions, collecting more than $500,000 for him.

John McCain just railed on about Freddie Mac and Fannie Mae. This is cute because one of his campaign staffers is Fannie Mae’s head lobbyist.

A very brave lady asked how we can trust either of the candidates with the economy since the Democrats and the Republicans are BOTH responsible for the financial crisis. Obama is now giving a sugary-sweet explanation of how he “gets her pain.” Sound familiar?

9:20 PM

Did everyone take a shot when McCain dropped the first “my friends?”

22 minutes in and John McCain has used the word “liberal” like he just found a turd in the middle of the town hall.

Pork spending stats:

PolitiFact has found that while McCain has a well-deserved reputation in Washington as a pork-buster, his record is not entirely pristine. For example, McCain in 2006 co-sponsored legislation that asked for $10-million for an academic center at the University of Arizona to honor the late United States chief justice William Rehnquist.

But as for his claim in the debate: Is it accurate?

Obama, on his Web site, has listed every earmark he’s requested – but not necessarily received – as a U.S. senator. It totals $931.3-million.

Wow, I actually asked Anna to pitch this question: “What would you ask the American people to sacrifice?” Some Depression-survivor asked it via the internet. Believe me, it was the tamest question I wanted to ask.

McCain’s answer: I would not get the fucking expensive projector Barack “Big Spendin'” Obama bought. Spending Freeze is McCain’s favorite term. It means no government spending on government programs and selling out government jobs to the private sector. This is bad, bad news. Private companies don’t answer to our Constitution and most of our laws. They have very little regulation over them, and they put you — the consumer and citizen — at risk.

Obama’s answer: 9/11. ….What?
Barack: I know most of you remember 9/11
Crowd: [looks for the guy who doesn’t remember 9/11]
Obama just said “President Bush did some good things…” That’s a lie. Someone tell him that’s not true.
— Off-shore drilling
— Clean coal technology
— Nuclear technology

Sounds like a real Progressive: yes/no?

Barack asks that I make my business more fuel-efficient so I am currently trying to construct a solar panel for my laptop.
John McCain: “Nailin’ down Mr. Obama’s various economic plans is like nailin’ jello to the wall…there’ll be five or six more of ’em” –> This simile is flawed: yes/no?

The American people need a basic education in what taxes are and where they go. Every tax dollar you spend SHOULD go towards social spending, not towards bailing out the private sector. If anyone cuts taxes right now, there will be less social spending, and MORE of the FEWER dollars collected will funnel toward the private sector. What we need is ACCOUNTABILITY and REGULATION– more tax dollars going BACK to the community and NO tax breaks for Big Business.

Media-humping line of the night: “The Straight-Talk Express lost a wheel on that one!” — Barack Obama

Social Security: John McCain says it’s not hard to fix SS, and then referenced Tip O’Neal and Ronald Reagan in the solution for fixing it. He didn’t mention how Tip or Ronald supposedly “fixed” SS, considering it’s still broken, but um…some great crap happened and they fixed it…for a while.

John McCain wants you to know he’s “fought to cut excess spending” from inside his 9 houses and 13 cars.

Every time John McCain talks about Joe Lieberman, I think about that last scene in Brokeback Mountain when Heath Ledger sobs as he smells Jake Gyllenhaal’s jacket. (I apologize for the hacky, dated reference, but I swear it’s what I think every time.)

9:45 PM

They should shoot up the presidential candidates with a dose of sodium pentathol before they film this shit.

STOP SAYING DRILLING IS IMPORTANT. DRILLING IS A SHORT-TERM SOLUTION TO A LONG-TERM PROBLEM.

Tom Brokaw is going to attack Obama and McCain over time limits and it’s going to be awesome.

Look, I know this is confusing for people to watch because they’re both lying so much. Go to FactCheck.org to know what is true.

Sometimes, while Obama is talking, you see McCain creepily shuffle into frame. It’s like seeing Death approach.

Healthcare:

McCain’s subsidy would work out to $5,000 for a family and $2,500 for an individual.

However, it currently costs much more to buy insurance. Kaiser Health Care Foundation estimates that the cost of a health care plan runs about $12,680 for a family and $4,704 for an individual for 2007, and costs are set to rise 5% for 2008. That’s a significant shortfall.

McCain argues that competition would result in lower prices. He would remove state restrictions on health care, creating a national health care market where companies compete on a much larger scale. Consolidation and competition could cut some costs. However, the savings would have to be dramatic because his plan isn’t adjusted for inflation or higher future health care costs.

In short: you will LOSE your employer insurance and private insurance will be unaffordable for MILLIONS of Americans.

Brokaw: Is health care a right?
McCain: I think it’s a responsibility

Fundamental difference right there. Republicans think you’re on your own, even when you’re sick. Good luck, America.

10:00PM

McCain is currently repeating the lie that we have journeyed to the “four corners of the world” in order to spread peace, love, and cookies. The truth is, we have gone to these places, and killed the indigenous people there because of corporate interests.

McCain: “We don’t have time for on-the-job training.” I’m glad to see McCain plans on firing that hapless cunt, Sarah Palin.

Someone please tell Barack we’ve already spent a trillion dollars in Iraq.

It’s 10:03PM! You know what that means: it’s time to gouge out your own eyeballs and cry that Ralph Nader should have been in the debates!

My ears doth burn. Obama just mentioned a multilateral peace initiative in response to Brokaw’s genocide question. Sending a fucking military into a genocidal situation doesn’t help shit. You need MANY nations, working TOGETHER, toward a peace initiative.

McCain: Barack Obama would have brought our troops in Iraq home in defeat. I will bring them home in body bags, er — victory and honor. Victory and honor! I meant victory and honor, goddamnit.

I couldn’t help but notice that not many young students have had an opportunity to ask questions. That’s awesome, considering this election will primarily affect youth’s right to health care and Social Security. Good work Commission on Presidential Debates!

I’m sorry, the way Barack says “Taliban” is adorable.

Barack is currently flexing and pissing all over Tom Brokaw as he talks about ripping off Osama bin Laden’s head and mauling the Taliban to death with his bare teeth. All very manly.

Oh God, McCain is expressing his love for Teddy Roosevelt again.

The world according to John McCain: “Waziristan: Very tough country.” Hmm…

Barack, the Pakistan comment was stupid the first time, but it’s retarded the eighth time you say it. FYI: Barack Obama said if we get information that Osama is huddled in Pakistan, we should bomb the shit out the area even if Pakistan, a sovereign nation, asks us not to.

In explaining the “Bomb, Bomb, Bomb, Bomb, Bomb Iran” song: “I was joking with a veteran friend.” Oh! Mystery solved.

10:16 PM

Phrases that need to die slow, agonizing deaths:
— “The Iraqis need to step it up”
— “The Iraqis need to take responsibility”
Those Iraqis that aren’t dead are in exile or terrified and ghettoized in war-ravaged cities. Or, they’re being illegally held in prisons. I think Obama and McCain mean to say WE need to “step up” and “take responsibility” for what we’ve done and help these poor people as much as we can.

McCain: “I looked into Putin’s eyes and saw three letters: A K, a G, and a B”

It’s a little silly that McCain is feigning concern about the Georgian people. Let’s be clear about this: there’s a very expensive oil pipeline running from the Caspian sea and through Georgia. Russia is pissed they don’t have the oil pipe, and we need the oil pipe to keep flowing so we don’t have to deal with Russia or Iran, so suddenly we care deeply about “freedom” and “democracy” in Georgia. You see how this goes…

Brokaw: Yes/No: is Russia evil?
Barack: I think Russia has engaged in evil behavior
McCain: Maybe.

And how isn’t this stoking the fires of the Cold War again?

10:24 PM

I was right. That whole front row is military. Another old, white, fat, bald dude from the Navy got to ask one of the last questions. THESE QUESTIONS ARE SELECTED TOTALLY RANDOMLY, OKAY?!

The old “second holocaust” argument. I love that everyone is very, very serious about not letting another holocaust happen, yet we are totally fine with genocide in Rwanda and the Congo. They should revise and say “a second WHITE holocaust.” And we’re VERY serious about human rights unless the Olympics is in China, and then it’s PARTYIN’ WITHOUT QUESTIONS, BIATCHES!

If they wanted to make this more like a town hall meeting, they should allow crowd follow-up questions. Otherwise, this format is exactly like every other debate, minus the podiums and a little more cardiovascular exercise from the candidates as they pace around trying to look casual.

10:32PM: Closing Thoughts

I wish I knew how to type the sound of vomiting. I think it’d be a heaving noise immediately following by the sound of chunks hitting water.

That’s how I feel right now. And I’m typing this as John McCain is making his closing statement, and pretending to care about the country and the American people.

He doesn’t care about you. Sorry.

Brian Williams just wondered aloud why this was called a town hall meeting because the crowd participation was minimal. I agree. It was a total sham like the rest of the debates and this election.

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