Allison Kilkenny: Unreported

Drunken Politics Unfunny But Totally Real Headlines: September 28, 2008

Posted in Uncategorized by allisonkilkenny on September 28, 2008

ADDED BONUS: SPOT THE FOX NEWS HEADLINE!

  • In New York City, a naked, distraught man, Inman Morales, plunged to his death after a police officer tasered him off the ledge of a building. Taser guns are used widely by the NYPD despite the fact that the UN has compared tasers to torture devices. As of right now, police involved in the Morales incidents are not being punished and will only receive further taser training. And by further taser training, they mean being able to SEE brown people… and NOT taser them

  • The New York Times revealed that over 40 of John McCain’s advisers have ties to the gambling industry. The liberal punchline to that would be: which makes sense since he wants to gamble with our future. The Republican punchline would be: I bet those advisers know not to bet on black! And the truth of the matter is: in a two party system — where both candidates get the majority of their money from corporate lobbyists — is any of this really a fucking surprise?
  • After Treasury Secretary Henry Paulson literally got down on his knees and begged Nancy Pelosi to bail-out his friends, Congress agreed to purchase $700 billion in troubled debt from Wall Street firms. Aides claim the agreement includes pay caps for Wall Street executives and requirements to prevent more home foreclosures. However, Congress failed to address who would pay for any losses that taxpayers may experience after the debt is purchased and resold. The issue will be left to the next president because Congress needs to hurry home and campaign for their next election season when they will also accomplish nothing. Economic guru and hero to the little man, John McCain, was dining at a 4-star restaurant at the time of the plan’s announcement. Thanks for rushing home to D.C. to fix all our problems, John!

  • Democracy Now! reports that Al Gore called for Civil Disobedience against carbon-admitting coal plants. See, America: all you have to do to make a difference as the president of the United States is lose. Or technically: win and then lose. And then grow a beard. And then win an Oscar… And then snap and call for civil disobedience.
  • Trevor Lyman, the man who organized the Ron Paul money bombs that famously raised $6 million dollars in one day, is now attempting to open the debates to third party candidates. If Lymen gets 10,000 pledges by October 8, he and other sponsors will organize a debate in New York City that will include all major candidates: Nader, Barr, McKinney, Baldwin, Obama, and McCain. Go to thirdpartyticket.com to add your name to the pledge list. No donation is required, poor people. Just add your name.
  • And finally Quadriplegic man pleads guilty to filming bathing girls.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: