Allison Kilkenny: Unreported

Covert Anarchist: Bill Kristol

Posted in Barack Obama, Bush by allisonkilkenny on September 15, 2008

I was shocked to learn in today’s New York Times that Bill Kristol, much like John McCain, considers himself a bit of a maverick.

You see, ever since he was a little ragamuffin racing around in short pants, Billy Kristol claims to have loved the state, but now in his old age, he’s booting out the “anti” in antidisestablishmentarianism, and is living out his winter years as a full-blown political Anarchist.

Boot out the Clintons! See ya’ in hell, Bushes! Billy Kristol wants change in Washington!

Of course, Kristol has a strange definition of “Change,” and he is exactly the type of laughably hypocritical fossil that new generations of Americans are so desperately trying to force out of power.

Kristol is a member of several conservatively-aligned think tanks. He was chairman of the New Citizenship Project from 1997 to 2005, he is a member of the board of trustees for the free-market Manhattan Institute for Policy Research, he co-founded the neoconservative Project for the New American Century (PNAC) in 1997 with Robert Kagan, and he is a member of the Policy Advisory Board for the neoconservative Ethics and Public Policy Center.

But that aside, Kristol is just tickled pink that there’s a lady running for the second highest seat in the land! Suddenly, with the arrival of Sarah Palin, William has tucked little Billy between his legs, and claims to be a born-again feminist. Praise Ani DiFranco! In fact, he’s just outraged by all of these “Neo-Feminists,” who refuse to clutch Sarah Palin to their bosoms. He quotes the “Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock” to describe feminists displeasure with Palin: “That is not what I meant at all. That is not it, at all.”

Had T.S. Eliot seen Sarah Palin, he may very well have wrapped his arm around a weeping feminist and whispered, “Man, that DOES suck.” But leaving aside such silly speculation, it’s safe to assume that feminists aren’t angry simply because Palin isn’t their preferred type of female, but that she’s not their preferred type of Vice-Presidential candidate, and worse, she’s a woman, too!

But I digress. Kristol is also super stoked that there’s a black guy running, even though he once erroneously claimed Obama was in church during Reverend Wright’s infamous sermon. Suddenly, he’s less concerned with Obama’s radical God ties and more concerned with the Changiness in Barack’s Change Machine.

Yes, Kristol is simply giddy over all of this change.

…Oh, he’s also the founder and editor of the political magazine The Weekly Standard, a regular commentator on the Fox News Channel, and an Op-Ed columnist for the New York Times, one of the loudest, strongest supporters of the Bush Doctrine, the Iraq War, and the 2006 Israeli attack on Lebanon.

Ahem. In the words of Jon Stewart: “Oh Bill Kristol, are you ever right?”

The answer is No. This is the year of Change, we’ve heard a thousand times a day. Now, with the economy in turmoil and U.S. troops dying abroad, the Bush sentinels will try desperately to evolve from their Free Market, Neo-Conservative cocoons. Kristol appears to be stuck mid-metamorphosis, and he’s pathetically wiggling and squirming while trying with all his might to look like an exciting Revolutionary.

He’s not. He’s just a pathetic liar and the New York Times finds itself in a difficult position. The Gray Lady is walking a thin line between housing diverse political voices and providing sanctuary for one of the last Bush Doctrine apologists.

One Response

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  1. Shonda Little said, on September 16, 2008 at 12:08 pm

    I really hate Bill Kristol. I mean, really, really hate Bill Kristol.

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