Allison Kilkenny: Unreported

Sarah, Meet Hillary

Posted in Barack Obama by allisonkilkenny on September 9, 2008

The perpetually bored and blood-thirsty media is anxiously awaiting the Biden-Palin debate on October 2, and why shouldn’t they be shivering in anticipation? There’s so much to look forward to! There’s Joe Biden’s sarcasm and cutting comebacks, and then there’s Palin’s sarcasm and cutting comebacks. Who will be the first to smirk whilst lobbying a passive-aggressive throwaway line at their opponent? I don’t know, I’m not psychic, but boy-oh-boy, will it be a bloodbath!

Unruly mockery and venomous cynicism aside, the real issue is Experience versus Inexperience. At least, that’s what the debate should be about. Biden will have to walk a fine line between stating the obvious and appearing condescending. Sure, he’s more experienced, but will he come across as a jerk? What makes Joe so beloved (to the part of the population that chooses to ignore his love affair with the credit card companies) is that he’s a little rough around the edges.

Joe tells it like it is. He laid the smack-down on Rudy “Noun, Verb, 9/11” Giuliani, and has permanently carved out a Senatorial niche for himself as the blunt, tough son of a bitch, who isn’t afraid to throw down in the legislative mud.

The gruff charm that normally makes Biden so effective may make him look like a bully against the Fargo-accented, apple-cheeked Sarah Palin. It’s one thing to lock Rudy “Everything I Do and Say Is a Lie” Guliani in an oratory headlock, but the media may be less kind to Joe if he tries that same move with Palin.

Biden wouldn’t be off-base to attack Palin. However, in a world of 24-hour news where every tiny comment and mannerism post-October 2 will be replayed and over-analyzed, his descent into media-concocted misogyny may become a reality, nonetheless. Rational input from Biden will begin to look like an old, white man telling a poor, helpless Wasilla hockey mom to shut up and sit down.

Sure, the media will collectively gurgle, Palin is inexperienced and a vindictive bitch, but that accent is just so adorable!

…Okay, she tried to have books banned from the Wasilla library. And maybe she did mismanage the Wasilla economy the exact same way Bush mismanaged the U.S. economy by inheriting a balanced budget and bankrupting her community, but she’s just so damn CUTE! Look at her little glasses! And maybe she IS the bastard offspring of Adolph Hilter and a kitten, but MAN, is she HOT!

Rationality tells us that Biden is the more experience Vice-Presidential candidate. He became a senator in 1973. He is the current chairman of the Foreign Relations Committee where he has worked on resolutions for the Yugoslav wars and Iraq War. He has also served as chairman of the Senate Judiciary Committee.

If we lived in an alternative universe where only political experience mattered, Joe Biden wouldn’t have to debate Sarah Palin. He could look into the camera, hold up his resume, and say, “Come ooooooon,” and everyone would vote blue in November.

But this election was never about rationality. If it was, McCain’s Bush-inspired political platform and a hilariously inexperienced Vice-Presidential nomination would have permanently sunk the Republican party by now.

Like every election before it, this campaign season is a war of personalities. The Obama-Biden camp would be wise to mold Biden as the candidate who leaves the personal attacks to surrogates. If he talks about his foreign policy experience and his years in the Senate, Biden will cast himself in a positive light and raise himself above the accusations of sexism.

It would be wise to unleash Hillary Clinton on Sarah Palin instead of Joe Biden. If Palin wants to claim she is a trailblazer for womankind, let her hold her pathetic resume up against the likes of Clinton’s. Regardless of what one thinks about Clinton’s behavior during the primaries, or her Senatorial accomplishments, she unarguably would wallop Palin in an Experience Showdown.

So let Clinton run the media circuit instead of Biden. Clinton has the good luck of possessing a vagina, so when she attacks the “experience” of a mayor whose constituent count ranks less than the populations of some city high schools, it seems not only fair, but reasonable.

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